15 Funniest golf quotes

“They call it golf because all the other four letter words were taken.” That has to be true! But who said it? Here’s some funny quotes which prove you need a sense of humour to play this game.

“Golf is a fascinating game. It has taken me nearly forty years to discover that I can’t play it.”

Ted Ray, British professional golfer, winner of two Major championships

“I know I am getting better at golf because I’m hitting fewer spectators.”

Gerald Ford, 38th President of the United States

“The only thing a golfer needs is more daylight.”

Ben Hogan, 9-time Major champion

“If you are caught on a golf course during a storm and are afraid of lightning, hold up a one iron. Not even God can hit a one iron.”

Lee Trevino, 6-time Major champion with 29 PGA Tour wins

“If you watch a game, it’s fun. If you play at it, it’s recreation. If you work at it, it’s golf.”

Bob Hope, British-American stand-up comedian

“If I had cleared the trees and drove the green, it would’ve been a great shot.“

Sam Snead, 82-time PGA Tour winner

“Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps.”

Tiger Woods, 15-time Major champion and PGA Tour wins record holder

“I’m not saying my golf game went bad, but if I grew tomatoes they’d come up sliced.”

Lee Trevino, 6-time Major champion with 29 PGA Tour wins

“Actually, the only time I ever took out a one-iron was to kill a tarantula. And I took a 7 to do that.”

Jim Murray, Hall of Famer and American sportswriter

“These greens are so fast I have to hold my putter over the ball and hit it with the shadow.“

Sam Snead, 82-time PGA Tour winner

“Golf is a puzzle without an answer. I’ve played the game for 50 years and I still haven’t the slightest idea of how to play.”

Gary Player, 9-time Major winner

“The reason a pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can’t see him laughing”

Phyllis Ada Diller, American actress

“I’m hitting the woods just great, but I’m having a terrible time getting out of them.”

Harry Toscano, American golf professional

“Golf is a game whose aim is to hit a very small ball into a even smaller hole, with weapons singularly ill-designed for the purpose”

Winston Churchill, British Prime Minister

“Golf is a good walk spoiled”

Mark Twain, American writer, humorist, entrepreneur and publisher